1 00:00:01,770 --> 00:00:03,170 [instrumental music] 2 00:00:03,240 --> 00:00:05,140 [indistinct chatter] 3 00:00:05,210 --> 00:00:06,680 [Patrick] First they bury me in Dutch hell, 4 00:00:06,740 --> 00:00:10,280 and now I have to deal with some CIA bastard? 5 00:00:10,320 --> 00:00:12,950 What the hell are you doin' on my base? 6 00:00:13,020 --> 00:00:14,420 Probably running some kind of foreign op 7 00:00:14,490 --> 00:00:17,360 that you're gonna screw up just like Afghanistan in '79, 8 00:00:17,400 --> 00:00:21,000 Afghanistan in '89, Afghanistan in '99, 9 00:00:21,040 --> 00:00:23,410 and Afghanistan in '21. 10 00:00:23,480 --> 00:00:25,350 -[knocking] Sir, what's wrong? -[Patrick] Yeah? 11 00:00:25,410 --> 00:00:26,950 I hear you grumbling to yourself in the hallway. 12 00:00:27,020 --> 00:00:29,320 CIA agent on base in full uniform. 13 00:00:29,390 --> 00:00:30,890 Hawaiian shirt and a BS attitude? 14 00:00:30,920 --> 00:00:32,290 -Mm-hmm. -Ugh... 15 00:00:32,360 --> 00:00:34,200 -CIA bastards. -Yeah. 16 00:00:34,260 --> 00:00:35,570 -Always screwin' up. -Mm-hmm. 17 00:00:35,630 --> 00:00:37,270 [Major Shah] Iran in '53... [Patrick] Mm-hmm. 18 00:00:37,370 --> 00:00:38,740 [Major Shah] Iran in '84. [Patrick] Mm-hmm. 19 00:00:38,810 --> 00:00:42,150 -[Major Shah] Iran in 2000. -Is he wearing flip-flops? 20 00:00:42,250 --> 00:00:43,580 He's showin' feet on a US Army base? 21 00:00:43,580 --> 00:00:45,420 Save it for your OnlyFans, you pervert! 22 00:00:45,450 --> 00:00:47,020 Yeah, and this douche went over my head 23 00:00:47,090 --> 00:00:48,330 and got a room on Stroopsdorf, 24 00:00:48,390 --> 00:00:50,360 like we're his personal Holiday Inn Express. 25 00:00:50,430 --> 00:00:52,070 Let me tell you something, he thinks he's gonna pull 26 00:00:52,130 --> 00:00:53,570 some kinda covert action here? Uh-uh. 27 00:00:53,600 --> 00:00:55,210 Mm-mm. Well, we know their playbook. 28 00:00:55,270 --> 00:00:56,410 -They only got two moves. -That's right. 29 00:00:56,440 --> 00:00:59,210 -Druggin' and buggin'. Mm-hmm. -Mm... 30 00:00:59,280 --> 00:01:00,350 I'll tell you one thing, 31 00:01:00,420 --> 00:01:02,090 he is not gonna pull any depraved... 32 00:01:02,120 --> 00:01:04,420 Wait, did my daughter just... 33 00:01:04,460 --> 00:01:06,600 Jump into his arms like she's headed 34 00:01:06,630 --> 00:01:08,300 to the fantasy suite on The Bachelor? 35 00:01:08,330 --> 00:01:10,740 She did, and I don't like it one bit. 36 00:01:10,800 --> 00:01:14,040 [scoffs] Ugh, you know I've been stabbed three times, 37 00:01:14,110 --> 00:01:15,810 and this cuts the deepest? 38 00:01:15,880 --> 00:01:18,820 [theme music] 39 00:01:36,490 --> 00:01:37,960 I'm so happy that you're here. 40 00:01:38,030 --> 00:01:39,430 We're gonna spend every second 41 00:01:39,490 --> 00:01:41,360 of the next 48 hours together. 42 00:01:41,430 --> 00:01:43,370 How'd you even manage to get this much leave last minute? 43 00:01:43,430 --> 00:01:45,140 I told my commander I had "lady stuff." 44 00:01:45,210 --> 00:01:46,940 Nothing stops a man in his tracks 45 00:01:46,980 --> 00:01:48,180 like that phrase. [chuckles] 46 00:01:48,210 --> 00:01:49,520 Babe, do you have "lady stuff?" 47 00:01:49,620 --> 00:01:51,380 Oh, no, my period is a week away, 48 00:01:51,450 --> 00:01:54,060 and my pH balance is stronger than a country club pool's. 49 00:01:54,090 --> 00:01:55,690 [moans] Oh, yes. 50 00:01:55,760 --> 00:01:57,900 But we have to get out of here, because this-- 51 00:01:57,970 --> 00:02:01,570 I am Colonel Patrick Quinn, commander of USAG Stroopsdorf, 52 00:02:01,640 --> 00:02:04,440 and I demand to know why you are here, mister. 53 00:02:04,510 --> 00:02:05,750 Brother, I'd tell you, but then I'd have to-- 54 00:02:05,780 --> 00:02:08,290 Finish that sentence, and he might kill ya. 55 00:02:08,320 --> 00:02:11,160 Colonel Quinn, Special Agent Rick Silver. 56 00:02:12,660 --> 00:02:15,300 Wasn't expecting to meet Maggie's old man. 57 00:02:15,370 --> 00:02:16,970 Thanks for hosting me on your base. 58 00:02:17,040 --> 00:02:18,040 I am not "hosting" you. 59 00:02:18,100 --> 00:02:19,510 You are not some Swedish au pair 60 00:02:19,570 --> 00:02:21,380 I'm bringing in to take care of the baby. 61 00:02:21,440 --> 00:02:23,410 Why are you on my base? 62 00:02:23,480 --> 00:02:25,920 He's here to visit me. 63 00:02:25,990 --> 00:02:28,930 He's my special man-friend. 64 00:02:28,990 --> 00:02:30,330 So it's casual, or are we headed 65 00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:32,400 in a certain direction? Just for clarity. 66 00:02:32,430 --> 00:02:33,840 How long has this been going on? 67 00:02:33,900 --> 00:02:35,270 -Three years. -Three years? 68 00:02:35,340 --> 00:02:37,040 I raised you better than that. 69 00:02:37,080 --> 00:02:38,680 You didn't raise me at all. 70 00:02:38,710 --> 00:02:41,280 You're right. I didn't. But some stepfather... 71 00:02:41,350 --> 00:02:43,420 should have stepped in, thus the title, 72 00:02:43,460 --> 00:02:46,900 and told you not to date manipulative liars. 73 00:02:46,960 --> 00:02:48,000 -Whoa. -But no. 74 00:02:48,070 --> 00:02:49,170 Your mother never got remarried. 75 00:02:49,270 --> 00:02:50,570 -So... I am. -Oh, you're blaming mom. 76 00:02:50,570 --> 00:02:53,310 -It's your mother's fault. -What is wrong with you? 77 00:02:53,340 --> 00:02:54,410 You know what? I think we've uncovered 78 00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:56,310 enough family trauma for today. 79 00:02:56,380 --> 00:02:58,320 Colonel, honestly, man to man, 80 00:02:58,390 --> 00:02:59,860 I really care about your daughter, and, uh, 81 00:02:59,920 --> 00:03:02,560 yeah, I-I-I will say I appreciate this display 82 00:03:02,630 --> 00:03:04,560 of protectiveness, gorilla thing. 83 00:03:04,630 --> 00:03:07,070 That's right. I am a gorilla, pal. 84 00:03:07,100 --> 00:03:08,510 Don't forget it. 85 00:03:09,470 --> 00:03:10,780 Sir, we have an emergency that requires... 86 00:03:10,840 --> 00:03:12,450 -your immediate attention. -Of course, we do. 87 00:03:12,510 --> 00:03:14,050 Because I have a real job. 88 00:03:14,080 --> 00:03:18,490 One that requires closed-toe shoes, pal. 89 00:03:18,560 --> 00:03:23,370 The NATO conference in Belgium is in 48 hours. 90 00:03:23,430 --> 00:03:25,470 The leaders of 32 countries 91 00:03:25,540 --> 00:03:29,180 are putting their very lives in our hands. 92 00:03:29,280 --> 00:03:32,220 And more importantly, their laundry. 93 00:03:32,290 --> 00:03:34,190 You gotta be kiddin' me. 94 00:03:34,220 --> 00:03:36,490 The stakes have never been higher. 95 00:03:36,530 --> 00:03:38,000 That's right, people. 96 00:03:38,060 --> 00:03:39,270 We are doing the laundry 97 00:03:39,330 --> 00:03:42,410 for the entire NATO conference. 98 00:03:42,440 --> 00:03:45,350 This is our Super Bowl! 99 00:03:45,380 --> 00:03:47,850 [all cheer] 100 00:03:49,290 --> 00:03:51,730 Now, to fire you up even further, 101 00:03:51,790 --> 00:03:53,560 here is Colonel Quinn. 102 00:03:54,930 --> 00:03:59,440 Do not screw up this laundry assignment, or do. 103 00:03:59,510 --> 00:04:01,610 I-I don't care. Dismissed. 104 00:04:01,650 --> 00:04:04,420 Uh, this was not an emergency. 105 00:04:04,480 --> 00:04:06,660 Uh, the only clear and present danger here is B.A. 106 00:04:06,690 --> 00:04:08,660 tryin' to fold that fitted sheet. 107 00:04:08,690 --> 00:04:10,530 [Dana] This operation is important, sir. 108 00:04:10,600 --> 00:04:12,500 So important that I'm taking the laundry 109 00:04:12,530 --> 00:04:14,270 to the conference personally. 110 00:04:14,300 --> 00:04:15,640 Which is why I need you to sign off 111 00:04:15,710 --> 00:04:18,340 on these temporary clearances for me and Private B.A. 112 00:04:18,410 --> 00:04:19,720 Okay, let me get this straight. 113 00:04:19,780 --> 00:04:22,620 So, you want a security clearance on the day 114 00:04:22,650 --> 00:04:24,760 that a CIA agent arrived on the base. 115 00:04:24,790 --> 00:04:26,800 That's what you're telling me, huh? 116 00:04:26,830 --> 00:04:29,470 With all due respect, if I was their CIA asset, 117 00:04:29,500 --> 00:04:31,340 they would not throw me in Stroopsdorf. 118 00:04:31,370 --> 00:04:33,470 You don't hide your Manolos in the closet. 119 00:04:33,510 --> 00:04:35,850 -Yeah. That tracks. -Sign here? 120 00:04:35,910 --> 00:04:38,320 With a spy on the base, I just feel like I gotta-- 121 00:04:38,390 --> 00:04:39,550 Spy? That's crazy. Initial here? 122 00:04:39,590 --> 00:04:40,820 Keep my head on a swivel, you know. 123 00:04:40,860 --> 00:04:42,490 I hate that for you. Initial there. 124 00:04:42,560 --> 00:04:44,670 -Yeah, okay. -Wow. 125 00:04:44,700 --> 00:04:48,670 -I have to say, I am surprised. -[chuckles] I know, right? 126 00:04:48,710 --> 00:04:53,010 It's crazy they can fit a camera and a microphone in there. 127 00:04:53,110 --> 00:04:56,320 Can I keep it for the day? Just to mess with people? 128 00:04:56,390 --> 00:04:58,760 -Please? -No, no. It's gotta be flawless. 129 00:04:58,830 --> 00:05:01,870 My next assignment is posing as a jeweler in Russia. 130 00:05:01,970 --> 00:05:03,670 If everything goes right, this baby's gonna be 131 00:05:03,740 --> 00:05:05,540 on Putin's niece's finger in a week. 132 00:05:05,610 --> 00:05:08,410 How about we do a little role play? 133 00:05:08,480 --> 00:05:09,850 I'll be Putin's niece. 134 00:05:09,920 --> 00:05:13,420 She's a horrible person, complicit in a lot of deaths. 135 00:05:13,460 --> 00:05:16,130 Yeah. I'll just... 136 00:05:16,190 --> 00:05:17,400 I'm just gonna... 137 00:05:17,430 --> 00:05:19,200 Okay. Hmm... 138 00:05:19,230 --> 00:05:24,310 But honestly, the only person that I want right now is you. 139 00:05:24,380 --> 00:05:26,680 -Mm... Oh! -[knocks on door] 140 00:05:26,750 --> 00:05:28,380 [Private B.A.] Message through the wall for Captain Maggie, 141 00:05:28,480 --> 00:05:30,290 your dad's looking for you. 142 00:05:30,320 --> 00:05:32,790 Oh, my God. Are the walls this thin? 143 00:05:32,860 --> 00:05:35,000 I don't normally sleep in the barracks. 144 00:05:35,030 --> 00:05:37,140 [Private B.A.] Oh, don't worry. I had my headphones in 145 00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:38,240 almost the whole time. 146 00:05:38,310 --> 00:05:39,870 [whispers] Almost. 147 00:05:41,680 --> 00:05:43,550 Mm... 148 00:05:43,580 --> 00:05:47,360 -[sighs] Oh, my God. -Mm... 149 00:05:47,390 --> 00:05:50,230 It's like Italian marble. 150 00:05:50,260 --> 00:05:51,230 Yeah, it's like marble. 151 00:05:51,260 --> 00:05:52,900 [device chittering] 152 00:05:54,040 --> 00:05:56,580 [sighs] When're you gonna lose some weight? 153 00:05:56,680 --> 00:05:59,450 As soon as you don't need my technological genius. 154 00:05:59,510 --> 00:06:02,320 -How about a diet? -Sir, I'm a plus-size soldier. 155 00:06:02,350 --> 00:06:03,690 Hey, there's no such thing. 156 00:06:03,760 --> 00:06:06,830 Well, last nude I sent got a thumbs up emoji. 157 00:06:06,860 --> 00:06:08,770 From who? Never mind. I don't wanna know. 158 00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:10,500 Check the phone. They always bug the phone. 159 00:06:10,570 --> 00:06:12,240 You don't seriously still use a landline? 160 00:06:12,340 --> 00:06:13,240 -Yes. -[Elias] What's next? 161 00:06:13,370 --> 00:06:14,310 You're gonna tell me you're leavin' voicemails? 162 00:06:14,410 --> 00:06:16,380 -What's wrong with voicemails? -You may as well, 163 00:06:16,450 --> 00:06:17,680 what, whisper in a bottle 164 00:06:17,720 --> 00:06:19,590 and throw it in the ocean. I'm takin' this. 165 00:06:19,590 --> 00:06:21,020 What do you mean you're taking it? I need that. 166 00:06:21,060 --> 00:06:23,530 You don't need this and I'm doin' it for you, man. 167 00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:25,470 You gotta get in the same century as me, brotha. 168 00:06:25,530 --> 00:06:26,940 -Get a haircut. -Get a smartphone. 169 00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:30,380 -Uh, I swear... -Was he sweeping for bugs? 170 00:06:30,380 --> 00:06:32,510 You think that Rick is bugging you? 171 00:06:32,580 --> 00:06:34,950 Your paranoia is outta control. 172 00:06:35,020 --> 00:06:37,120 Watch your tone, young lady, all right? 173 00:06:37,160 --> 00:06:39,490 I know what I'm dealing with. I know CIA agents. 174 00:06:39,560 --> 00:06:41,400 -I know their playbooks, okay? -Uh-huh. Mm. 175 00:06:41,460 --> 00:06:43,970 And I don't want you seeing Rick anymore. 176 00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:47,010 [scoffs] I don't want you seeing Rick anymore. 177 00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:48,580 [chuckles] 178 00:06:48,650 --> 00:06:51,080 Your window for being an overprotective dad closed 179 00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:52,750 like 15 years ago. 180 00:06:52,750 --> 00:06:54,820 I am an adult woman and I'm gonna date who I want. 181 00:06:54,890 --> 00:06:56,530 -Was that it? -Okay, you're right. 182 00:06:56,560 --> 00:06:57,930 I don't have a leg to stand on as your father, 183 00:06:58,000 --> 00:07:00,230 but as your commanding officer, I am revoking... 184 00:07:00,270 --> 00:07:02,640 your 48-hour leave immediately. 185 00:07:02,670 --> 00:07:06,550 -What? -Yes, we have an emergency... 186 00:07:06,620 --> 00:07:08,920 laundry situation that I need all hands on deck for... 187 00:07:08,950 --> 00:07:11,490 -including yours. -You're grounding me? 188 00:07:11,530 --> 00:07:12,960 [stuttering] I-I'm c-commanding you. 189 00:07:12,990 --> 00:07:15,500 I'm your boss, I'm telling you I want you 190 00:07:15,530 --> 00:07:17,500 in the laundry complex for the next two days. 191 00:07:17,570 --> 00:07:19,310 But this is so unfair. 192 00:07:19,370 --> 00:07:20,910 I never get to see Rick. 193 00:07:20,940 --> 00:07:25,690 -So you're used to it. -You are ruining my life! 194 00:07:25,720 --> 00:07:28,090 [groaning] Oh, my God! 195 00:07:28,120 --> 00:07:31,030 I like that door open. 196 00:07:31,100 --> 00:07:32,530 No, you don't. 197 00:07:32,570 --> 00:07:34,070 You just don't want me to slam it. 198 00:07:34,100 --> 00:07:38,550 I don't care if you slam it. Just leave it open after you do. 199 00:07:38,580 --> 00:07:39,850 [whispering] Oh, my God. 200 00:07:39,910 --> 00:07:44,690 Adult woman, huh? Real grown up. 201 00:07:45,390 --> 00:07:47,200 Eh, Papadakis! 202 00:07:49,630 --> 00:07:51,540 [chuckling] I cannot believe 203 00:07:51,570 --> 00:07:53,880 that my dad has grounded me from seeing Rick. 204 00:07:53,940 --> 00:07:56,110 I'm not 16, okay? I know what I'm doing. 205 00:07:56,150 --> 00:07:59,650 Do I think I'm gonna marry Rick Silver? No. 206 00:07:59,720 --> 00:08:02,560 Well, you tend to go for unavailable guys. 207 00:08:02,590 --> 00:08:04,760 Mile High man, the pilot. 208 00:08:04,830 --> 00:08:06,730 -I... -Reminds me a lot of Rick. 209 00:08:06,800 --> 00:08:09,680 Okay, maybe I have a type, you know. 210 00:08:09,740 --> 00:08:12,380 Career-oriented, high-achieving, not too clingy, 211 00:08:12,480 --> 00:08:13,580 hyper-masculine. 212 00:08:13,620 --> 00:08:17,620 And it does not get more masculine than Rick Silver. 213 00:08:17,690 --> 00:08:20,300 -[exhales sharply] -Wow, horny shiver, good? 214 00:08:20,330 --> 00:08:25,110 [chuckles] Horny shiver good. The sex is sensational. 215 00:08:25,140 --> 00:08:27,910 You know that I can't date anybody above or below my rank, 216 00:08:28,010 --> 00:08:30,320 and I am the only captain on the entire base. 217 00:08:30,380 --> 00:08:34,190 So when he is here, I have to save up those sexual memories. 218 00:08:34,220 --> 00:08:37,800 I'm-I'm like a squirrel storing up nuts for winter. 219 00:08:37,860 --> 00:08:40,800 Sergeant Conway, should I try the tux now? 220 00:08:40,870 --> 00:08:42,770 All right, B.A., avoid the cummerbund. 221 00:08:42,810 --> 00:08:46,680 -It's the fitted sheet of belts. -Copy. 222 00:08:46,750 --> 00:08:48,720 Since when do you need a tux to deliver laundry... 223 00:08:48,790 --> 00:08:50,920 -to the NATO conference? -Oh, you don't. 224 00:08:50,960 --> 00:08:54,030 But you do need one to sneak into the NATO ball after. 225 00:08:54,100 --> 00:08:55,900 -Ooh. -And I can get four years... 226 00:08:55,970 --> 00:08:58,440 of schmoozin' done in four hours. 227 00:08:58,510 --> 00:08:59,840 How're you gonna sneak in? 228 00:08:59,870 --> 00:09:01,440 I'm gonna come in in a stunning gown 229 00:09:01,510 --> 00:09:02,710 with B.A. on my arm. 230 00:09:02,750 --> 00:09:04,650 He is the perfect plus-one. 231 00:09:04,720 --> 00:09:07,390 Handsome in an unremarkable way, like a print model... 232 00:09:07,460 --> 00:09:08,790 -for athleisure wear. -Huh. 233 00:09:08,860 --> 00:09:10,630 [Private B.A.] Conway, these pants are really tight 234 00:09:10,660 --> 00:09:12,300 in certain areas. 235 00:09:13,770 --> 00:09:16,070 -Ugh! -[gasps] 236 00:09:16,140 --> 00:09:19,750 What in the John Ham is goin' on here? 237 00:09:19,810 --> 00:09:22,650 -So these pants don't fit me. -We talked about this. 238 00:09:22,750 --> 00:09:25,960 You are supposed to be unremarkable, unmemorable. 239 00:09:25,990 --> 00:09:27,960 We have to find a 24-hour tailor immediately. 240 00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:29,900 -Oh, aye, aye, aye. -It's the... I'm still... 241 00:09:29,940 --> 00:09:31,740 -I'm a human being. -Oh, oh! 242 00:09:31,810 --> 00:09:33,980 Um, wait, before you go, can you please help me? 243 00:09:34,040 --> 00:09:35,710 You want me to help you figure out how to get laid? 244 00:09:35,780 --> 00:09:37,180 You could get anything to anyone, anywhere, 245 00:09:37,280 --> 00:09:39,790 and I need a package delivered. Into my pants. 246 00:09:39,850 --> 00:09:41,890 Damn, Maggie. Okay. 247 00:09:41,930 --> 00:09:43,430 I will send everybody home early. 248 00:09:43,490 --> 00:09:45,730 The colonel said you can't leave, he didn't say anything 249 00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:48,640 about somebody coming here. 250 00:09:48,670 --> 00:09:50,280 Maybe multiple times. 251 00:09:50,310 --> 00:09:51,440 Mm-hmm. 252 00:09:51,480 --> 00:09:53,720 [instrumental music] 253 00:09:53,780 --> 00:09:55,650 Hey, man, I really appreciate 254 00:09:55,690 --> 00:09:57,020 you doin' this counter op with me. 255 00:09:57,090 --> 00:09:59,760 Maggie is too special to end up with that jackass. 256 00:09:59,860 --> 00:10:01,030 -Right. -I mean, can you imagine 257 00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:02,870 if they had kids? There's a 50% chance 258 00:10:02,930 --> 00:10:04,770 their child would genetically yearn 259 00:10:04,840 --> 00:10:06,340 to destabilize nation states. 260 00:10:06,410 --> 00:10:07,910 -I mean, that's just math. -Science. 261 00:10:07,980 --> 00:10:09,550 He's really cast a spell on her. 262 00:10:09,580 --> 00:10:11,050 -Yeah. -Right? 263 00:10:11,080 --> 00:10:12,950 -But I'm usin' it against him. -What're you talkin' about? 264 00:10:12,950 --> 00:10:15,990 Well, I grounded Maggie, and she asked him to come to her, 265 00:10:16,060 --> 00:10:18,300 which leaves his little den of perversion unoccupied 266 00:10:18,360 --> 00:10:19,270 for us to investigate. 267 00:10:19,300 --> 00:10:21,040 You mean used your own daughter as bait? 268 00:10:21,100 --> 00:10:23,340 Yeah, so we can get the evidence we need to break them up. 269 00:10:23,440 --> 00:10:24,610 We're dealing with the CIA. 270 00:10:24,680 --> 00:10:25,950 We've got to get our hands dirty 271 00:10:25,980 --> 00:10:28,480 'cause they're covered in manure. 272 00:10:28,520 --> 00:10:31,360 [music continues] 273 00:10:31,420 --> 00:10:33,860 [chuckles] Yeah. 274 00:10:38,770 --> 00:10:41,210 -[grunting] Great idea, babe. -[thudding] 275 00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:43,250 I haven't gotten a "you up?" text in a while. 276 00:10:43,280 --> 00:10:46,120 Mm. You know, I've never sent one before. 277 00:10:46,190 --> 00:10:48,460 Uh, not successfully. I sent one to my dentist once, 278 00:10:48,490 --> 00:10:49,960 but fortunately she wasn't up. 279 00:10:50,030 --> 00:10:51,930 Um, everyone's going to be at the dining facility 280 00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:55,410 for a four-course meal, we have an hour to ourselves. 281 00:10:55,470 --> 00:10:56,940 Whoa. 282 00:10:57,010 --> 00:11:00,080 There's no drugs, no bugs, just all these Hawaiian shirts. 283 00:11:00,150 --> 00:11:01,920 He's got one for, like, every day of the week. 284 00:11:01,990 --> 00:11:04,160 Disgusting. How can he be on a spy mission with no equipment? 285 00:11:04,260 --> 00:11:05,930 [man 1] You have to hide it better. 286 00:11:05,990 --> 00:11:07,600 [Private B.A.] I know. I know, I usually use-- 287 00:11:07,660 --> 00:11:09,270 Let me try to, uh... 288 00:11:09,300 --> 00:11:12,210 -[Private B.A.] Oh, my God! Oh! -Tape it to your leg. 289 00:11:12,270 --> 00:11:15,880 Maybe Rick's got partners, and they're doing the bugging. 290 00:11:15,910 --> 00:11:17,750 [man 1] I'm sorry, it is not possible. 291 00:11:17,780 --> 00:11:19,190 I just don't know what you want me to do with that. 292 00:11:19,250 --> 00:11:21,720 Oh, God, every woman who's ever seen it 293 00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:23,430 has said exactly the same thing. 294 00:11:23,460 --> 00:11:24,830 Well, figure something out. 295 00:11:24,900 --> 00:11:27,570 [knocking] Hey, Conway. I can hear you. 296 00:11:27,640 --> 00:11:29,440 I knew you were a spy. 297 00:11:29,510 --> 00:11:31,080 I'm not a spy, sir. 298 00:11:31,140 --> 00:11:34,050 I'm just taking laundry to the NATO conference 299 00:11:34,120 --> 00:11:36,090 and sneaking into the NATO ball afterwards but that... 300 00:11:36,150 --> 00:11:38,020 -is purely for my own interest. -Oh, my God. 301 00:11:38,060 --> 00:11:41,030 You know what? Neither one o' you is going anywhere, okay? 302 00:11:41,060 --> 00:11:42,970 Your security clearances are revoked. 303 00:11:43,030 --> 00:11:44,800 -But, sir, I... -[Patrick] No, that's it. 304 00:11:44,870 --> 00:11:46,340 -It's an order. -[groaning] 305 00:11:46,370 --> 00:11:48,040 All right, there's gotta be something in here to prove 306 00:11:48,110 --> 00:11:50,920 to Maggie that that CIA dirtbag isn't worth her time. 307 00:11:50,950 --> 00:11:52,720 You'd think the flip-flops would have done it, right? 308 00:11:52,790 --> 00:11:56,430 But, no... Oh, my God. 309 00:11:56,460 --> 00:12:00,000 [sighs] It's Taya Reserve. 30-year-old. Triple distilled. 310 00:12:00,070 --> 00:12:01,970 This is the stuff they keep in this special barrel. 311 00:12:02,040 --> 00:12:03,810 [stutters] This is like $15,000. 312 00:12:03,910 --> 00:12:05,450 I know. That's why we're gonna drink it. 313 00:12:05,510 --> 00:12:07,080 It is unopened. He will notice. 314 00:12:07,120 --> 00:12:09,420 It's supposed to be, like, the best. 315 00:12:15,130 --> 00:12:17,070 Oh, my God. 316 00:12:17,100 --> 00:12:19,940 -You found an open bottle? -No, much worse. 317 00:12:19,970 --> 00:12:21,950 [instrumental music] 318 00:12:22,010 --> 00:12:24,020 Rick is telling the truth. 319 00:12:24,080 --> 00:12:27,320 -Wow. -He's here for Maggie. 320 00:12:27,390 --> 00:12:29,990 This definitely deserves a drink, right? Ow. 321 00:12:30,060 --> 00:12:34,800 Whoo! It looks like we set the mission back a few hours. 322 00:12:34,840 --> 00:12:38,240 Hey, babe. I've been thinkin'. 323 00:12:38,280 --> 00:12:39,950 There's somethin' I want to try with you. 324 00:12:40,020 --> 00:12:42,320 Oh, I've already told you. I'm so in. 325 00:12:42,390 --> 00:12:44,160 I mean, you know, Peggy is actually... 326 00:12:44,220 --> 00:12:47,060 -a nickname for Margaret. -Oh, no, no, no. 327 00:12:47,130 --> 00:12:48,770 I mean, that's super, super hot. 328 00:12:48,870 --> 00:12:50,070 But I've been thinkin' about it. 329 00:12:50,130 --> 00:12:52,240 -You're so smart. -[chuckles] 330 00:12:52,270 --> 00:12:54,740 -We've got great chemistry. -Mm-hmm. 331 00:12:54,810 --> 00:12:57,550 -You've got access. -Mm-hmm. 332 00:12:57,580 --> 00:13:00,090 I want you to help me spy... 333 00:13:00,120 --> 00:13:02,330 [whispering] on the NATO conference. 334 00:13:03,900 --> 00:13:07,340 W-wait. Is that why you're here? 335 00:13:07,400 --> 00:13:10,840 It is. You know those bugs that fit in the ring? 336 00:13:10,880 --> 00:13:12,380 Well, insert those into these pillowcases, 337 00:13:12,450 --> 00:13:14,320 and then your team will deliver them to the conference. 338 00:13:14,380 --> 00:13:17,220 The best part is when the CIA's involvement is exposed, 339 00:13:17,290 --> 00:13:21,130 and it always is, we'll blame the whole thing on your dad. 340 00:13:22,370 --> 00:13:25,740 So my dad has been right this entire time? 341 00:13:25,810 --> 00:13:27,280 No, I did also really wanna see you. 342 00:13:27,340 --> 00:13:32,250 I mean, warrantless wiretapping is a natural aphrodisiac. 343 00:13:34,220 --> 00:13:37,060 -[whispering] Yeah. -Baby, you're being weird. 344 00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:39,730 I know what the problem is. 345 00:13:39,800 --> 00:13:41,710 You're still horny. Come here. 346 00:13:41,770 --> 00:13:43,810 Oh, no. No, I'm not. Thank you. 347 00:13:43,880 --> 00:13:46,350 -Yeah. -Oh. Well, I am. 348 00:13:46,380 --> 00:13:48,720 So I'm gonna take care of business in one of these. 349 00:13:48,790 --> 00:13:50,790 [upbeat music] 350 00:13:50,820 --> 00:13:52,460 [sighs] That's perfect. 351 00:13:56,600 --> 00:13:59,010 [martial music] 352 00:13:59,070 --> 00:14:00,240 -Hey. -Colonel, I was hoping... 353 00:14:00,310 --> 00:14:01,910 -you had a moment. -Yeah, come on in. 354 00:14:01,950 --> 00:14:03,310 I wanted to talk to you. 355 00:14:03,350 --> 00:14:06,620 Um, last night, I realized that... 356 00:14:06,660 --> 00:14:08,190 Hey, listen. I'm gonna go first 357 00:14:08,220 --> 00:14:10,330 because I'm more important than you, and so-- 358 00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:12,130 Yeah, I think you're gonna wanna let me go first... 359 00:14:12,200 --> 00:14:13,200 -because really, you're gonna... -No, no, no, no... 360 00:14:13,270 --> 00:14:15,770 love what I have to say. So... 361 00:14:15,840 --> 00:14:17,540 Let-let me just say this. 362 00:14:17,610 --> 00:14:21,320 [sighs] I was wrong. 363 00:14:22,850 --> 00:14:24,520 -Are you having a stroke? -No. 364 00:14:24,590 --> 00:14:26,190 -How's your arm? -I wish I was havin' a stroke. 365 00:14:26,230 --> 00:14:28,930 But no, I thought that, you know, Rick was here 366 00:14:28,970 --> 00:14:30,940 for nefarious reasons. Turns out that he's... 367 00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:32,140 Actually is here for you. 368 00:14:32,240 --> 00:14:34,640 So I was wrong and you were right. 369 00:14:34,710 --> 00:14:37,720 You were wrong and I was right. 370 00:14:37,780 --> 00:14:40,220 -Mm-hmm. -[chuckles] Oh, wow, um... 371 00:14:40,260 --> 00:14:41,530 [clicks tongue] Sorry. Am I smiling? 372 00:14:41,590 --> 00:14:43,160 -I just can't stop smiling. -Yeah, yeah, yeah. 373 00:14:43,230 --> 00:14:44,900 So listen, I still hate the guy, okay? 374 00:14:44,960 --> 00:14:46,270 -Uh-huh. -And I-I still don't trust him. 375 00:14:46,330 --> 00:14:48,840 But I just wish, you know, if I... 376 00:14:48,870 --> 00:14:50,340 Knowin' that he was here for you, I wish 377 00:14:50,380 --> 00:14:53,380 I hadn't hated him so much to his stupid handsome face. 378 00:14:53,410 --> 00:14:56,050 Well, he is here for me and only me. 379 00:14:56,120 --> 00:15:00,130 -He's gonna propose to you. -[laughs] What? 380 00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:03,200 Yeah, I searched his room and, uh, found a ring. 381 00:15:03,230 --> 00:15:05,540 -Found a ring? The ring? -Yep. 382 00:15:05,570 --> 00:15:07,410 -Found a big engagement ring. -You found... 383 00:15:07,480 --> 00:15:09,280 -a big engagement ring for me? -Yes. 384 00:15:09,380 --> 00:15:11,250 -Mm-hmm. -Okay, I'm caught up. 385 00:15:11,320 --> 00:15:13,990 Well, what're you gonna say when he proposes? 386 00:15:14,020 --> 00:15:16,230 Uh... [exhales] 387 00:15:16,290 --> 00:15:19,870 A girl never knows until she's proposed to... 388 00:15:19,930 --> 00:15:21,340 -you know? Lady stuff. -Right. 389 00:15:21,400 --> 00:15:24,310 That's "lady stuff?" It's just a big umbrella. 390 00:15:24,340 --> 00:15:26,510 -[clears throat] Yeah-- -You know, I know he's here... 391 00:15:26,550 --> 00:15:28,050 to ask my permission. 392 00:15:28,080 --> 00:15:29,120 -So I'm gonna go over. -Oh! 393 00:15:29,350 --> 00:15:32,060 Talk to him, and if he offers me some of that delicious scotch... 394 00:15:32,090 --> 00:15:34,300 -I am not gonna refuse it. -No, no, no, no, no, no. 395 00:15:34,330 --> 00:15:35,730 -You can't do that. -Why? 396 00:15:35,830 --> 00:15:36,900 Unfortunately, he's on 397 00:15:36,940 --> 00:15:38,270 a b-bike tour, a long bike tour. 398 00:15:38,340 --> 00:15:39,970 Well, I'll just find him when he comes back. 399 00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:41,110 Well, no, I'll find him when he comes back. 400 00:15:41,140 --> 00:15:44,620 Because I miss him so much. 401 00:15:44,680 --> 00:15:50,130 Oh! I'm just gonna go get my hands on him and squeeze him. 402 00:15:50,160 --> 00:15:52,370 [instrumental music] 403 00:15:52,430 --> 00:15:53,700 Weird. 404 00:15:53,770 --> 00:15:55,340 [sighs] Oh, thank you. 405 00:15:55,400 --> 00:15:57,640 I can't believe that it's come to this. [chuckles] 406 00:15:57,680 --> 00:15:59,110 Why do you need this? 407 00:15:59,210 --> 00:16:01,580 Uh, I've really painted myself into a corner. 408 00:16:01,650 --> 00:16:03,490 I have maybe 20 minutes before Rick gets back, 409 00:16:03,520 --> 00:16:05,390 and before he does, I've got to save the base 410 00:16:05,460 --> 00:16:07,360 from the CIA and figure out a way to break up with him, 411 00:16:07,430 --> 00:16:09,570 all before my dad talks to him and realizes that he was right 412 00:16:09,630 --> 00:16:12,310 I was wrong about, actually, everything, ever. 413 00:16:12,310 --> 00:16:13,940 That's a lot of plates in the air. 414 00:16:13,980 --> 00:16:15,350 -Yeah, it is. Yeah. -Yeah, okay. 415 00:16:15,410 --> 00:16:17,180 Um, what if you don't get to, you know? 416 00:16:17,220 --> 00:16:19,120 [laughing] I'll marry Rick. I'll marry Rick, 417 00:16:19,190 --> 00:16:20,690 I'll have his children, I'll do anything 418 00:16:20,760 --> 00:16:23,660 before I admit to my dad that he was right and I was wrong. 419 00:16:24,760 --> 00:16:26,200 Did you solve your thing? 420 00:16:26,270 --> 00:16:28,340 Oh, yeah. I got him a kilt. 421 00:16:29,870 --> 00:16:30,840 Genius. 422 00:16:30,880 --> 00:16:33,650 [martial music] 423 00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:35,790 [door opens] 424 00:16:35,850 --> 00:16:37,520 -Hi. -Oh, wow. 425 00:16:37,590 --> 00:16:40,330 -Gettin' ready for round three. -No, stop. 426 00:16:40,390 --> 00:16:41,930 Have you seen my dad? Talked to my dad? 427 00:16:41,970 --> 00:16:43,740 -Anything with my dad? -Mm, no. 428 00:16:43,800 --> 00:16:44,840 -Hey, what's up? -Hi. 429 00:16:44,900 --> 00:16:47,210 -Well... Rick. -Colonel. 430 00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:49,380 -How's it hangin', big dog? -It's hangin' pretty good. 431 00:16:49,410 --> 00:16:52,250 I think you and I have to have a little, uh, talk, right? 432 00:16:52,290 --> 00:16:56,190 But what if, er, we started with a drink? 433 00:16:56,260 --> 00:16:58,260 -Some of that nice whiskey. -Oh, yeah. 434 00:16:58,330 --> 00:17:00,230 -Yeah. All right. -You don't have to twist my arm. 435 00:17:00,270 --> 00:17:02,140 It's a rare Reserve 30. Sorry, guys. 436 00:17:02,170 --> 00:17:03,370 That's for Kim Jong-Un's bodyguards. 437 00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:05,650 -Hold it. Oh! That... -All right. 438 00:17:05,710 --> 00:17:07,250 Mm-hmm. It's the aroma. 439 00:17:07,320 --> 00:17:09,490 -Ooh, I like that. -The agency's gonna kill me. 440 00:17:09,550 --> 00:17:12,890 -Look at that. -All right, to... 441 00:17:12,930 --> 00:17:15,500 -Mm... -Okay. 442 00:17:17,100 --> 00:17:20,740 [smacks lip] That is nice. Mm. 443 00:17:20,780 --> 00:17:24,280 You know, I gotta say, Rick, I hope Maggie is right about you 444 00:17:24,320 --> 00:17:28,790 and that you're not your typical CIA scumbag just drugging... 445 00:17:28,860 --> 00:17:32,000 Mmm... Ugh! 446 00:17:32,070 --> 00:17:34,700 I did not drug him. 447 00:17:34,740 --> 00:17:36,710 I know. I did. 448 00:17:36,810 --> 00:17:39,180 I really wanted the chance to speak to you without... 449 00:17:39,210 --> 00:17:41,420 -my dad listening. -What? 450 00:17:41,450 --> 00:17:44,190 So you tampered with the bottle while I was gone? 451 00:17:44,220 --> 00:17:45,460 The seal wasn't even broken. 452 00:17:45,530 --> 00:17:47,130 Oh, I borrowed drugs from a friend and used 453 00:17:47,160 --> 00:17:48,400 a syringe and went in through the cork? 454 00:17:48,430 --> 00:17:50,570 I did not know you had that in you. 455 00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:55,580 Well, all this, like, spy stuff is just making me crazy. 456 00:17:55,610 --> 00:17:58,420 And, I mean, bugging a NATO conference? 457 00:17:58,450 --> 00:18:00,320 -Yeah. -How would that even work? 458 00:18:00,350 --> 00:18:02,590 Baby, it's super simple. 459 00:18:02,630 --> 00:18:04,530 We'll just sew bugs into the pillowcases... 460 00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:06,940 -Mm-hmm. -And then I can secretly spy 461 00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:08,370 on our most trusted allies. 462 00:18:08,440 --> 00:18:10,210 But what if we get caught? 463 00:18:10,240 --> 00:18:12,310 Oh, baby, baby, baby. 464 00:18:12,350 --> 00:18:15,350 We're definitely gonna get caught. We're the CIA. 465 00:18:15,380 --> 00:18:18,360 And when we do, we'll blame the whole thing on your dad. 466 00:18:18,420 --> 00:18:20,390 -Right. Right. -Yes. Yes. 467 00:18:20,460 --> 00:18:22,160 -Okay. Um... -Let's do it. 468 00:18:22,230 --> 00:18:23,300 -Oh, the one problem, though. -Yeah? 469 00:18:23,370 --> 00:18:24,570 -I'm not gonna do any of that. -Oh. 470 00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:26,710 I'm not gonna let my dad take the fall. 471 00:18:28,110 --> 00:18:30,150 Okay. Fine. I'll do it myself. 472 00:18:30,180 --> 00:18:31,550 Oh, no, you can't. 473 00:18:31,620 --> 00:18:36,160 No, 'cause I've been bugging you, baby. 474 00:18:36,190 --> 00:18:37,860 [Elias] Sure did, Captain Maggie! 475 00:18:37,930 --> 00:18:39,430 These walls are paper thin. 476 00:18:39,500 --> 00:18:41,200 If anything, they amplify the sound. 477 00:18:41,240 --> 00:18:43,070 It's like you guys are shouting at me. 478 00:18:43,140 --> 00:18:46,280 What?! Drugging and bugging? 479 00:18:46,350 --> 00:18:49,350 -Hmm. -I am so turned on right now. 480 00:18:49,390 --> 00:18:51,830 All right, please don't do stuff, though, okay? 481 00:18:51,890 --> 00:18:54,260 Captain Maggie's like a mother to me, and it's actually 482 00:18:54,330 --> 00:18:56,130 not the kind of porn I'm into. 483 00:18:57,330 --> 00:18:59,910 -All right. To you and me. -[sighs] 484 00:18:59,970 --> 00:19:01,410 My dad can't know that I drugged him, 485 00:19:01,480 --> 00:19:03,110 or else he would know he was right about you, 486 00:19:03,150 --> 00:19:04,280 which would defeat the whole purpose 487 00:19:04,350 --> 00:19:05,690 of drugging him in the first place. 488 00:19:05,750 --> 00:19:09,530 So you and I have to drug ourselves... 489 00:19:09,630 --> 00:19:11,700 -[glasses clinking] -to a plausible deniability. 490 00:19:13,270 --> 00:19:15,540 -And if I don't? -Well, I'll release the tape... 491 00:19:15,610 --> 00:19:17,540 your cover will be blown, and they'll stick you behind 492 00:19:17,610 --> 00:19:20,250 a desk at Langley, or they'll enforce a business 493 00:19:20,320 --> 00:19:23,120 casual dress code. 494 00:19:23,190 --> 00:19:25,390 I think I love you. 495 00:19:25,420 --> 00:19:26,660 Are you for real, or...? 496 00:19:26,660 --> 00:19:29,000 Honestly, I don't even know anymore. 497 00:19:29,070 --> 00:19:30,430 Yeah. 498 00:19:30,500 --> 00:19:32,610 The things we could have done together. 499 00:19:33,710 --> 00:19:34,840 Cheers. 500 00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:35,980 [clinking] 501 00:19:36,080 --> 00:19:37,720 [martial music] 502 00:19:37,780 --> 00:19:41,720 Honestly, I'm impervious to drugs now, anyway. 503 00:19:41,760 --> 00:19:44,360 Oh. Shut up. 504 00:19:46,470 --> 00:19:48,200 -We're still good, right? -No. 505 00:19:48,240 --> 00:19:50,240 Get off the base and back where you belong! 506 00:19:50,270 --> 00:19:53,250 Destabilizing the Middle East! 507 00:19:53,280 --> 00:19:54,650 You know, I still can't believe 508 00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:56,450 that all three of us were drugged. 509 00:19:56,550 --> 00:19:58,420 You just got to assume that Rick was the target, 510 00:19:58,490 --> 00:20:00,230 and we were collateral damage. 511 00:20:00,290 --> 00:20:01,660 Yeah, probably the Russkies. 512 00:20:01,730 --> 00:20:05,200 I hear, uh, Putin's niece is a real piece of work. 513 00:20:05,270 --> 00:20:07,240 Hey, I decided to end things with Rick... 514 00:20:07,310 --> 00:20:08,440 -by the way. -Good. 515 00:20:08,480 --> 00:20:10,310 -Great. -I mean, he's a great guy. 516 00:20:10,380 --> 00:20:11,620 -I was right about that, but... -Yeah. 517 00:20:11,680 --> 00:20:14,360 I just can't see myself in his world, you know? 518 00:20:14,420 --> 00:20:15,960 No, he's always comin' and goin' as he pleases. 519 00:20:15,990 --> 00:20:18,400 -Forget about it. -Yeah, I know, I have a type. 520 00:20:18,460 --> 00:20:20,000 And he's a total narcissist. 521 00:20:20,070 --> 00:20:21,340 I can prove it because I took 522 00:20:21,370 --> 00:20:23,740 the online test and I-I-I pretended I was him. 523 00:20:23,840 --> 00:20:27,250 -I got 100, and that's bad. -Oh, my God. 524 00:20:27,320 --> 00:20:29,490 -What? -You are him. 525 00:20:29,550 --> 00:20:32,330 -What? -Rick is, is you. 526 00:20:32,390 --> 00:20:34,730 He's, uh, ob-obsessed with his career, 527 00:20:34,760 --> 00:20:39,710 never around, a narcissist. I'm... dating my dad. 528 00:20:39,740 --> 00:20:41,340 [Patrick] God, you don't wanna do that. 529 00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:43,310 I got three failed marriages under my belt. 530 00:20:43,350 --> 00:20:46,420 It's official, okay? I'm not marriage material. 531 00:20:46,490 --> 00:20:49,990 Now, you can do way better than me. 532 00:20:50,060 --> 00:20:52,600 -[chuckles] -Sheesh. 533 00:20:52,630 --> 00:20:55,870 Sad, right? 30 years of potential, down the drain. 534 00:20:55,910 --> 00:21:00,280 Okay, don't be weird. I will find someone eventually. 535 00:21:00,350 --> 00:21:01,680 No, I'm talkin' about the scotch. 536 00:21:01,750 --> 00:21:03,660 I can't even remember how it tastes. 537 00:21:03,720 --> 00:21:05,490 I go to the ball, you get the scotch. 538 00:21:05,530 --> 00:21:07,430 Yeah, yeah, no, you're goin' to the ball. 539 00:21:07,500 --> 00:21:08,730 -Oh, thank you, sir! -[Patrick] Yeah, well. Wow! 540 00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:10,070 -Thank you! -Wow! 541 00:21:10,100 --> 00:21:12,240 Hey, have a good time. 542 00:21:12,240 --> 00:21:14,940 -Yes! I will! -[Maggie] Oh, my God. 543 00:21:16,410 --> 00:21:18,080 Oh, there it is. 544 00:21:18,120 --> 00:21:21,060 [martial music] 545 00:21:22,660 --> 00:21:24,330 Why is it always the dumb one? 546 00:21:24,360 --> 00:21:25,570 You're tellin' me. 547 00:21:25,630 --> 00:21:27,940 [children] It's going so well! 548 00:21:27,970 --> 00:21:29,910 [production theme] 549 00:21:29,970 --> 00:21:31,840 [production theme]